Trying to conceive (TTC) has been a rollercoaster of hope, anticipation, and heartache for us. While everyone talks about the excitement of expecting a baby, there are parts of this journey that often go unmentioned. I want to share our story to let others know they’re not alone in this journey.
Handling the “When will you have kids?” Question
One of the most common and often uncomfortable questions we face is, ‘When will you have kids?’ It’s usually well-meaning but can be intrusive and painful, especially when we’re struggling with TTC. Sometimes, I find myself wishing I had a standard response ready, but in reality, I often respond with a bit of sass (‘Whenever my body decides to cooperate’) or gently steer the conversation elsewhere. Fortunately, those closest to us understand our journey and give us the space we need during the waiting period, offering their unwavering love and support.
Ooph, Those Two-Week Waits
The two-week wait (TWW) is the period between ovulation and your expected period, and it can feel like the longest two weeks ever. During this time, I find myself analyzing every little symptom. Things that would normally seem minor, like feeling tired, having a headache, or not sleeping well, suddenly become potential early signs of pregnancy. It’s a constant debate in my mind: should I ignore these symptoms, allow myself to feel hopeful, or assume they’re just due to anxiety or everyday life? As my expected period day gets closer, I begin to really question things. Especially in the first few months of trying, I would tell Taylor that I was either going crazy or I was pregnant because of these ‘symptoms.’ Turns out, I was just going crazy.
The Period Party Pooper
I’ve found that allowing myself to feel the disappointment and grieve is important. Some months are easier than others. For example, when we were on our last chance to get pregnant in time for a baby born in 2024, I took it really hard. Other months, like this one, I wasn’t as upset. We move in a week, I’m on the hunt for another job, and we just have a lot going on. I didn’t necessarily want to add early pregnancy to that mix. But then, there’s the guilt of even feeling “relieved” this month when we so eagerly want to get pregnant.
To make myself feel better about not being pregnant most months, I allow myself a drink or two since I try not to drink any alcohol the rest of the time while TTC. It’s a small indulgence that helps me unwind and take a mental break from the pressures of trying to conceive.
It Impacts Him Too
No woman (or her husband, for that matter) looks forward to Aunt Flo visiting, but when you’re hoping with all your heart to miss it, having your period show up is a terrible consolation prize. Getting your period after hoping for a pregnancy can be devastating, especially when your period is already an unpleasant experience.
I mean, I guess it’s not ALL about me and my body during this. Taylor, my husband, has had his own battles during this process. Each month, when my period comes, he starts to question if something is physically wrong with him or what we need to do differently. I try to assure him that it’s okay for it to take a few months. I know it’s also hard for him to watch me get beat up about not being pregnant. We do a good job balancing each other out with support. We manage to time our meltdowns when the other one is encouraged.
TTC isn’t just hard on the person physically experiencing it; it’s tough on partners too. They may feel helpless, anxious, or even responsible. Supporting each other is crucial, and open communication about our feelings and fears has been key. Finding ways to connect and support each other emotionally has helped us navigate this journey together. We’ve also found comfort in having supportive friends and family who are there to listen.
Our Next Steps in Trying to Conceive
As we look ahead, we’re embracing the uncertainty of our journey to conceive, trusting in God’s timing and plans for our family. We’re exploring natural supplements and fertility wellness to support our journey. We’re also intentional about cherishing our marriage and the time we currently enjoy together. With the support of loved ones and hopeful hearts, we’re prepared for whatever lies ahead. Our faith guides us, and we’re committed to staying positive and open to the path ahead.
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